Hate Mondays? Try unemployment. — Unknown
One of the tougher things in life to deal with is knowing when a season has expired; rather it be relationship or job. In late October, my company offered eligible employees the opportunity to voluntarily leave the business as part of a saving initiative. On the surface it looked like a no brainier because it was a one in a lifetime opportunity. Yet, to date this has been one of the toughest decisions I’ve made professional. My relationship with my job was much like an unhappy marriage where you stay thinking it will somehow get better. I knew that professional it was time for me to exit the company but I also had hope that things would change. Don’t get me wrong, I had some great times at the company and grew tremendously. I was able to gain a great deal of knowledge and contribute to the community in many ways with the company.
Despite the growth, I knew I needed more professional. I reevaluated my goals and the trajectory of my current position was not aligned with them. All the signs pointed in the direction of leaving but I was still fearful of the unknown or the what ifs of my decision. Ultimately, I prayed over it and asked for clarity about the decision.
The funny thing about prayer is that sometimes the answer is not what we fully expect. Although I prayed for clarity, I was preparing myself to tough it out and hopefully transition to a new role in the near future. But the clarity came with a simple question, “Was this the precedent I was going to set for my life?” Allowing my fears to paralyze me to the point that I’d choose to stay in an expired season. So I took the leap and volunteered to separate from the company despite all the uncertainty that came along with it.
For those who know me, this was hard because I do not fair well with too much uncertainty. The decision was so heavy and I didn’t realize I was not handling the anxiety of it. I was not sleeping but I blamed it on tiredness from being busy with outside things. Hindsight, I was no busier than previous months. My anxiety snowball as the deadline to rescind the decision approached. I literally had an emotional breakdown in front of my manager. I’m talking full on ugly snot crying. I knew that there was no going back after the rescind date and I would be forced to confront my fears.
I am a private person by nature and I try to figure things out on my own. However, I knew that the support of my circle would be needed and welcomed. So I shared my decision and plan with those that I knew would encourage, give me advice, and be a listening ear. I am grateful to have a circle of people that will uplift and encourage when I am feeling uncertain about my future.
I have faith that my taking a side step to propel forward was the best decision for my future. Although, I am not comfortable in the uncertainty I am grateful that I took the leap. I am not allowing my fear to limit or stop me from achieving. I’m ready for a FEARLESS 2019!
A Beautiful Mess 